Kink, Fetish, and Dating

Respecting each other’s kinks and fetishes is an important part of creating and maintaining a healthy BDSM community. Building this community is vital for a robust fetish dating site, as it helps people meet, mingle, and relate to each other.
Mutual respect helps us create a place that is safe to express who we are and what things we desire. The first step in respecting kinks and fetishes is understanding what they are and how the differ. Now, the list of kinks and fetishes is exhaustive, so we will not go into that here. Instead, we will discuss kinks and fetishes in broad terms that help to categorize and describe them as a whole.

What Is the Difference between Kink and Fetish?

We tend to use kink and fetish interchangeably, and for most conversations we have, that is fine. When you want to communicate your interests, needs, desires, and, well, what you are looking for to someone, however, the words you choose matter. When it comes to online dating, especially on a fetish dating site, clear communication is vital.
A kink is an unusual or unconventional sexual behavior. Kinks by definition always involve sex and things that happen around and during sex. Being tied up during sex – this is a kink. Spanking during sex – also a kink.
A fetish is an unusual reverence for something, especially where that reverence leads to sexual gratification (but not necessarily sex). When we say someone “gets off” on feet, well if it is a fetish then yes, he really does get his sexual satisfaction from worshipping someone’s feet. Usually fetishes involve things that are not themselves sexual in nature. That almost (or very) orgasmic feeling when you touch supple leather or smooth latex – that is a fetish.

Blurring the Lines

The reason we tend to use kink and fetish interchangeably is because the lines between them can become blurry. Someone with a foot fetish may use foot worship as a means of foreplay, to help get his or her partner in the mood for sex. Someone with a fetish for leather may wear it before or during sex to feel energized and aroused. Even online dating and relationships themselves can be a fetish that becomes a kinky activity.
Any combination of experiences and activities can occur where a fetish meets sex and becomes kink. This happens because the partners in the activity are romantic partners and want their fetish to spice their sex life. It happens because the energy between non-sexual partners, erotic due to the nature of fetish, reaches a tipping point and sex happens.
The activities we enjoy as fetishists can blur those lines. Humiliation is a big fetish, where a person receives satisfaction by being brought low. Humiliation can involve sexual activity, helping to blur those lines. Sometimes how we use the tools of our fetish can also blur those lines. A flogger to the back and thighs combines a leather fetish with impact play. Strike between the thighs to bring about sexual stimulation as a part of impact play and again, the lines blur.
When exploring a fetish dating site, it is important to understand how fetish and kink can mix and mingle. Online dating can be rewarding, but it can also be frustrating at times. Understanding what you are looking at in a profile will help you find what you are looking for in a kink or fetish partner.

Knowing What to Look for

When you are looking for an online dating partner or considering a potential partner, it is important to understand not only what you want, but what they want as well. Miscommunication can lead to bad experiences. Even wasted time with conversations that go nowhere is not fun. So first, decide where you fit on the kink – fetish spectrum. Are you looking for something sexual in nature, but pleasantly deviant? Are you looking for someone to help you explore a fetish without a sexual relationship?
Do you fall somewhere in between? Maybe you want to explore a fetish with someone you have a separate, non-kinky sexual relationship with. Maybe you want your fetish to blend into a sexual relationship.
When you look at a potential partner, pay careful attention to what they say and how they describe their desires. It is not enough to know they are looking for fetish dating, because you do not know how they are using terms like kink and fetish.
Look deeper into their profile. If they have a foot fetish, what is their ideal night living out that fetish? Listen to how they describe the pleasure surrounding the things they are interested in.
Does the pleasure and satisfaction revolve around the non-sexual activity or item, or does sex have to come into play before satisfaction is achieved?
Ask questions of a potential dating partner. You can play guessing games, trying to read between the lines in someone’s profile and interests.
A few questions to help you understand just what a person wants and needs, though, will provide you much more information and help you determine if he or she is a possible match.
Above all – respect each other’s needs and preferences. When it comes to fetish and kink, it is hard to point to anything and say, “this is the absolute right/wrong way to do it.” As long as consent is enthusiastic and partners see to each other and their own safety, what is “right” and “normal” can fit on a wide spectrum. What matters is that we communicate what we want clearly, so that a potential dating partner knows whether he or she will be the person we are looking for.